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Love. Laugh. Sparkle.

Sometimes we lose what makes us shine…here's to finding it again

the ending of 2015

I started blogging this year in the hopes of finding my joy for life again.  I was hoping that it would help me to find happiness in the everyday occurences of life and to look at myself from the outside in and the inside out to see where I lost my passion and drive.  Really, just to find my sparkle…

 

This was not an easy year to decide to go soul searching.  Between chronic illness, abnormally long and stressful work hours, constant self doubt and great heartbreak I came into December thinking I may have lost the last bit of my sparkle I had left.  And right when I couldn’t take any more, yet another life altering revelation presented itself.  In that moment I had a choice…I could accept defeat or I could fight.  I could hang my head and walk away or I could jump in swinging.  I was so close to just letting go and giving up.  I looked down though at the one that was presenting me with the choice and I thought I saw something.  I looked down and saw through their pain and defeat a small sparkle in their eye.  To me it seemed to say “I’m still in here, please don’t give up too, please be strong enough for both of us”.  So I paused and tried to just breathe before making a decision that either way would alter everything I know.  I was scared to let go because I didn’t want to, because my heart was screaming at me to hold on, because I had to think of who else it would impact and because I was scared of what would happen and what would change.  I was also scared to hang on though because what if their heart wasn’t in it any longer, because what if nothing changed, because I had to think of who else this would affect and because my heart may not be strong enough for everyone much less myself.

 

true love

 

I paused.  I breathed.  I watched the sparkle  – challenging it to be a trick of light.  I chose.  I fight and I hope I’m strong enough; because all I have remaining is what little fight is left in me and the glimmer of hope I saw in your eyes.  I still self doubt and am scared that I may lose everything in the end, but I have to fight for what is mine.  I have to fight for my sparkle.  Because regardless of everything that has happened I found it again in your eyes.  I had lost it and now I remember I gave it to you for safekeeping so many years ago.  I will never sparkle the same again.  My rose colored glasses are gone now, but each day I feel just a little stronger and I am not the only one fighting for it anymore.  Some days one of us is stronger than the other, but I think for the first time in such a very long time we are standing together again…holding one another up and fighting for each other again.

 

This year, 2015, was not the defeat I thought it was ending as.  I only hope that this new year sees me, you – us continue to grow and shine together.

Writing 101, Poetry: Sleep

While most of the world sleeps…

 

9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Copy foot pursuit

Male vs female – physical

 

I have help started

 

Units responding upgrade code 3

Patient not breathing

Suspect has a gun

 

I have help started

 

Listen, I will tell you what to do

It’s going to be okay

You don’t have to do this tonight

 

I have help started

 

copy one at gun point

I’m sorry…just hold them…it’s okay

Medics responding – CPR in progress

 

I have help started

 

Fully engulfed…one inside

Suspect inside residence

I’ll stay with you til they’re there

 

I have help started

 

While most of the world sleeps…

We are always awake, always there…..

With help started

 

 

 

 

Writing 101, Poetry: Reflection

Reflected in my eyes

what do you see?

 

Do you see the love

in my heart shining bright

Can you see it in my eyes?

 

Reflected in my eyes

what do you see?

 

Do you see the love

that never wavers

Can you see it in my eyes?

 

Reflected in my eyes

what do you see?

 

Do you see the love

that grows stronger daily still

Can you see it in my eyes?

 

Do you see your own love

reflected back for me…..

 

Please tell me

when you look into my eyes

what do you see?

writing 101, poetry: Magic

She twirls and spins

Arms held out wide

Face upturned to the sky

 

Her smile contagious

Her laughter infectious

Her delight insipires

 

Dropping into the fresh snow

She fans herself out

An image of the beautiful angel she is

 

She is in her own magical world

Filled with wonderment and joy

A magical world I yearn to join

 

20151103_093850

 

 

Daily prompt: Everything Changes

20151204_172539Everything changes…

Walking down the street, you encounter a folded piece of paper on the sidewalk. You pick it up and read it and immediately, your life has changed. Describe this experience.

 

It was a snippet of a love letter. The paper soft from being opened and refolded so many times over the years. Some words slightly blurred from the saltiness of dried tears. Memories of a happy time filled with love and hope for a future together. An intimacy shared by two people who had given one another their hearts. Had these words and this time they were written been forgotten?

I don’t believe so…I can’t.  I believe they fought for one another. When times were hard and things looked bleak these words were read again and again, softening any pain or hurt.  I believe these words reminded how much love they shared. I believe they never gave up on each other. They believed in their love and they believed in each other.

When you love, truly love, it never really goes away. Being in love means accepting someone for everything they are, believing in them and lifting them when they stumble. Love means sharing yourself with someone completely – all the good and all the bad. It is saying I am yours and you are mine…for always.

Everything changed when I read this love letter…it reminded me. You love me and I love you. It really is that simple. Trust in me to protect your heart and I will trust in you to protect mine. Because I always have and always will.

 

only you

Is this it

Is this the last

Is this the last look

Is this the last laugh the last smile

Is this the last touch

I yearn to know

But fear the truth

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

 

My mind mimics my heart

Both confused

Both aching

Only one can calm them

My mind mimics my heart

Both yearning

Both searching

Only one can guide them

My mind mimics my heart

Both exhausted

Both broken

Only one can heal them

My mind mimics my heart

Neither can take much more

Only one was entrusted with them

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Transition

Weekly Photo Challenge:  Transition

IMAG0107

This is a picture of transition and bravery and strength and above all love.

This is an image of my beautiful sister, her incredibly brave daughter and my sweet girl. It was a moment when we all, but especially my niece and sister transitioned into something stronger. When faced with an incredible challenge they stepped up and became warriors. This was a quiet moment amongst the new battles they were fighting together. My sister holding my niece; pouring all her love and comfort and strength into her beautiful daughter with one embrace. My niece buried into her mama; finding that love and fearlessness she needed to carry on. My daughter comforting both; too young to understand, but offering her own love and innocence to them selflessly.

db53d9d8f854d57f22dbec7898074bbb

Weekly photo challenge: Trios

Weekly photo challenge: Trios

225

 

My favorite trio….

A trio of sisters and brother enjoying a summer day.

Laughter and smiles that can never be taken away.

As the years pass and they grow on they will always be for one another

Sister , Sister and Brother.

It’s the holidays…time to stress out

Happy Holiday Season!

It is that time of the year when we are suppose to glow with love and joy of the season.  It is the time to remember one another and show our appreciation for having each other in of lives.  It is a time to reach out our hands to strangers, family and friends alike who need a little lift.  This is the time we should remember that bringing a smile to someone else will bring one to us in return.

Everyone forgets at some point though.  We get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season.  We overstress ourselves trying to juggle regular life (for some reason work doesn’t want to give us all two months off with pay – go figure) along with holiday commitments, shopping, baking, entertaining and being jolly non-stop.  We get so excited for this time of the year to get here and then can’t wait to slow down and breathe when it’s over.

christmas vacation quote

For some of us the extended family time, while we love seeing our loved ones, can go on and on and on.  Different people keep popping by or coming to dinners and family events – doesn’t anyone else work!?  It’s hard to entertain constantly and we maybe forget that our company doesn’t really want us to.  They would probably love to just sit and enjoy the holiday for a bit without us planning every moment they are here…trying to fill it with what we think they need for holiday cheer.  For others, the gifts can be our own burden.  We save and budget for months; calculating how much we can spend and feeling guilty that it isn’t enough for each person.  For EACH PERSON…I don’t know about everyone, but my list goes on for days.  And while I like the ideas of picking a family member or one family to gift for, I still want to show my love for all my nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, parents and grandparents.  So I do it all, and I know each year it will stretch my budget and overwhelm me (hoping to get something they love – or at least like) until I want to pull my hair out.  Speaking of wanting to pull my hair out, looking at my calendar from Halloween through New Years does that instantly.  There is not a week where we don’t have one two three or ten things planned.  Did I mention I work twelve hour shifts over night…averaging 50 hours a week.  Yet I will squeeze every holiday tree lighting, craft fair, yule tide caroling event in that I can for my family to enjoy together.  And maybe they would enjoy just staying in drinking hot cocoa with homemade peppermint whip cream and watching movies together by the fireplace, but  the Christmas spirit is out there in all these events…right?

My list of holiday craziness could go on and on, but I’m sure everyone has their own to add as well.  This year though I am going to try and remember the joy this time of year should bring.  I am going to welcome family visits and not worry about organizing every detail of every meal or outing.  I am going to try and remember it truly is ‘the thought that counts’ and not stress over how much I spend on each child or family member, but just get them something that will remind them they are in my heart and thoughts.  I can’t change my work schedule, but I can change my personal schedule.  I am going to cancel some things and remember it is the time spent not the event that truly matters to the people we care for.  And, finally, I am going to remember everyone else is struggling this year.  In the hustle and bustle I will smile at that grumpy person not singing to the carols in the market, I will let the stressed looking mom go ahead of me when they open a new check stand at Target (even if she has more items) and I will reach out to others in any small way I can to restore any faith in the season possible for someone else.

Happy Holidays to you all and may your season be full of more cheer than stress.

 

 

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