I went to BOGA the other morning (that’s right…beer and yoga) and our instructor talked about the things that ground us.  The things that keep us centered and make us feel secure in our lives.  As we would do our poses she would randomly take a moment to ask each person what grounds them and then toast them with our beers before moving on to the next downward dog or sun salutation.  People had wonderful answers from being out in nature to family to their pets.  One very wise (in my opinion) fellow yogi felt that the knowledge of understanding that some things are out of our control and will be whatever they are regardless of our wants grounds her.  Makes her feel secure knowing she can’t and doesn’t have to control everything in her life.  I wish I had that confidence in the unknown and uncontrollable.  Anyway, I wasn’t sure what my answer would be and said a silent thank you each time she called on someone else to share their wisdom with the group.

The thing is, I don’t feel grounded lately and I haven’t for some time.  I have good days – great days – but I never really feel safe anymore in my knowledge of what my life is or where I am headed.  I love that I have a great opportunity to spend more time with my family right now and be the mom I want to be, but at the same time I wake up every day unsure of myself and my future.  I wake up every day having to tell myself “not today…you will not lose today because you will forgive and move forward….you will hurt, but you will be stronger for it.”  So, every day I have to search for something to ground me and help my heart and mind get through whatever I will have to face.  So, there I was doing yoga, drinking beer and toasting the other brave yogis sharing a part of their souls with strangers.  There I was, and I had no idea what to say.  I kept thinking about how everything I believed was…wasn’t.  And it didn’t change over time it was just never what I thought it was.  Everything but one thing one little bit of constant sun in my life.  Other people had mentioned family members and I didn’t really think that at first, but the more I did the more I realized it was my daughter that keeps me grounded.

My sweet, sassy and courageous daughter is what keeps me grounded.  She is exactly who she appears to be and she wears her heart on her sleeve.  She has no real secrets and she loves entirely.  I am very particular about being touched or cuddled and reserve it for those I trust with all my heart, secrets and soul.  So, there are few people I can just relax and snuggle up with…she is one of those very few.  I have found that lately we both gravitate towards each other first thing in the morning and in the evenings.  We sit quietly together sometimes reading or watching a movie, but a lot of times we just sit quietly enjoying each others company.  And I find I love these snuggly times, these times to just be mother and daughter.  I think we both have come to depend on this quiet time and it probably grounds both of us.  I am sure her little mind senses the discord around our home these days and the same way I find security in our quiet time together she probably does too.  I hope in her life time her heart is never as heavy or lonely as mine has been, but if there ever comes a time that it is I will always be here to hold her and keep her grounded too with a mama’s love that is never ending.

So, when I was finally called upon I simply said just that.  Quiet snuggle time with my girl is what grounds me and how I love to start and end each day.  It was greeted with a round of cheers and toasting and maybe a tiny bit of heaviness was lifted from my shoulders knowing that I am grounded and do have purpose each day.