I have written and rewritten several posts tonight.  I have saved some drafts and I have trashed others.  I have deleted whole paragraphs at a time and entire posts one letter at a time.  Working backwards to remove the words I am unsure of saying.  Reminiscent of my life right now is my blogging.  If you say (write) certain words they become real.  They can never be changed or taken back.  If I share too much do I have to share it all….piecing together little bits of a story, picking and choosing what to leave out and what to alter a bit, feels too much like telling a lie to me.

Because I don’t want to lie I will say this tonight.  I am happy…..happier than I was for a very long time.  While I am happy I am still also heartbroken and scared of what the future holds.  I long for a day when I am truly relaxed and not unsure of anyones actions, words or motives.  I know that day will come though.  I know that I am doing what is best for my family and myself.  I am not alone in this journey and that reassures me.  I believe that not long from now I will walk down the road with the sun sparkling on my back a small hand clutched to one of mine and a strong safe hand holding the other.  I believe we will all find love laughter and sunshine on this path we have taken.  I will find my sparkle, my light, and share it with the ones I shine for.

 

laughter sparkles

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