In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Childhood Revisited.”
As a grown up I have my own issues that probably relate directly to my childhood as I’m sure we all do. I don’t trust easily, I hold grudges like nobody’s business, I don’t care to be touched except by those closest to me (my friends know if I hug them it’s a big deal), I can be a wee bit over emotional at times (okay, maybe a lot and often). Really though, my adult life turned out not half bad. I have a family that I love, a job that lets us live comfortably, a beautiful place to live and most of the time I can find my smile without trying too hard. Looking back there are many things I would have changed, but not things I feel it is worth dwelling on now that I am where I am in life.
The only thing I often think about and revisit is wishing my Dad had been in my life. For the most part that isn’t something I could change even if I could go back and have a do-over. He wasn’t there because of choices he, my Mom and Step-Father made not because of anything I could have done differently. However, when I was a teenager and he found my sister I could have listened to her and met him sooner. I could have not trusted the wrong people and trusted my sister instead that he was a good man and that he had always wanted to be there. I could have not held that grudge against him for something that really wasn’t his fault. I could have opened my heart sooner. Instead I forbid her to even talk to him about me much less even try to get to know him myself. I could have had those extra years with him had I not been so stubborn as a teenager. Instead, I waited until I was in my twenties to reach out to the hand he was offering. And even then I kept my heart at a distance for a time.
I only had about ten years to know him, but in that time I found what a father’s love truly is. So, when I look back and think if I could change anything I would have taken that opportunity sooner just so I could have had that love a little longer. That is something my daughter will always have…she will always know the love of her parents and will always be surrounded by it.