In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Childhood Revisited.”

As a grown up I have my own issues that probably relate directly to my childhood as I’m sure we all do.  I don’t trust easily, I hold grudges like nobody’s business, I don’t care to be touched except by those closest to me (my friends know if I hug them it’s a big deal), I can be a wee bit over emotional at times (okay, maybe a lot and often).  Really though, my adult life turned out not half bad.  I have a family that I love, a job that lets us live comfortably, a beautiful place to live and most of the time I can find my smile without trying too hard.  Looking back there are many things I would have changed, but not things I feel it is worth dwelling on now that I am where I am in life.

The only thing I often think about and revisit is wishing my Dad had been in my life.  For the most part that isn’t something I could change even if I could go back and have a do-over.  He wasn’t there because of choices he, my Mom and Step-Father made not because of anything I could have done differently.  However, when I was a teenager and he found my sister I could have listened to her and met him sooner.  I could have not trusted the wrong people and trusted my sister instead that he was a good man and that he had always wanted to be there.  I could have not held that grudge against him for something that really wasn’t his fault.  I could have opened my heart sooner.  Instead I forbid her to even talk to him about me much less even try to get to know him myself.  I could have had those extra years with him had I not been so stubborn as a teenager.  Instead, I waited until I was in my twenties to reach out to the hand he was offering.  And even then I kept my heart at a distance for a time.

I only had about ten years to know him, but in that time I found what a father’s love truly is.  So, when I look back and think if I could change anything I would have taken that opportunity sooner just so I could have had that love a little longer.  That is something my daughter will always have…she will always know the love of her parents and will always be surrounded by it.

Wish there were more of these memories with this amazing man, my Dad
Wish there were more of these memories with this amazing man, my Dad